you are not alone

Posted on by saynotoclowns Posted in PoetryTagged , , ,

dwight

Summer stretches out

the viscous my mind’s pushing

through, enticing me,

 

to take a dive down

into the undulating

clarity telling

 

myself that it is

possible to take with me

what I know now and

 

swim without any

paraphernalia, (like

er, oxygen tanks?)

 

No, that’s not what I

mean. So I should take a breath

and when I find me

 

down there thrashing the

life I think is unique to

me in my naive

 

(but adorable)

youthfulness, I would say, “HEY!

You need to hear Dwight.

 

And wear these goggles.

(And don’t open that email.)

And trust me. I’m you.”

 

originally posted, March 21st, 2017

 

56 thoughts on “you are not alone”

  1. Reply
    Singledust says:

    sounds like you want to push the limits but convention is holding you back. Ignore the rules, capitalise in the middle of sentences not only at the start. Breathe without tanks or oxygen sometimes everything is just an urban legend. Intrigued by your arrangement of words and read it twice but it still seemed to say the same thing, like a silent rebellion brewing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Reply
      saynotoclowns says:

      Hi. Thanks for your feedback! It’s so interesting to get other impressions, thank you.
      I started to write a haiku and it got longer…lol.
      It is actually pretty hot and humid here right now, so it literally feels rather viscous!…and I’ve been contemplating relationships and some counsel I’ve given recently, and some other things I am involved in, and it struck me again how bad humans are at communicating. For all kinds of reasons. And listening. The viscosity has to do with listening issues, and some frustration I feel. And then so wishing I had been better at communicating when I was younger. So no, I don’t feel the need to push limits of convention, well, except the conventional problem that humans don’t understand that we all have the same basic needs, and we aren’t alone, and how we ignore good advice when we are young etc etc. haha I have never felt the need to write conventionally 🙂
      the oxygen tank thing has more to do with my impatience and lack of forethought, and my silly humour…by the time I found my young self, I would only have enough time to say that one thing before having to leave for oxygen! lol.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Reply
        Singledust says:

        and you said it all in one breath! well communication is the toughest part of human interaction for me. I read what the words seems to say to me but you are creator and have designer’s rights – just me and my crazy outlook on life. it is still an intriguing write that can be read in a myriad of ways. Skillfully done Vanessa!

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Reply
          saynotoclowns says:

          Thank you! That is very kind.
          That is something I like about poetry, is that readers get different things out of it, like other art too. Sometimes I think it is fun to be ambiguous, other times, I want to be more understood, so feedback is really valuable, thank you. And also considering communication is so on my mind hahaha
          I was just thinking, too, it would have made sense to bring my younger self the oxygen tank, lol but I was obviously thinking about the way she was viewing everything…
          I appreciate you taking the time!

          Liked by 1 person

            2. Reply
              thereluctantpoet says:

              Yes, but overthinking means you are looking closely and absorbing all there is to get? You are gleaning (a biblical term in the Book of Ruth – a great story of bonding!!!) and more likely than others, even an author to find hidden gems!!

              Liked by 2 people

              1. Reply
                Singledust says:

                Thank you for that lovely comment and Ruth was a book I read and loved to for her steadfast love and acceptance of love into her life out of a duty bound stranger who claimed her. See there’s romance and inspiration everywhere! If we only look for it, better than real life don’t you think?!

                Liked by 2 people

                1. Reply
                  thereluctantpoet says:

                  You are so welcome! I love the story of Ruth – “Where ever you go, I will go, Your people will be my people!” A bond that couldn’t be broken?? Yes, there is romance and inspiration everywhere. I think You had a typo there, didn’t You mean, “better in real life don’t you think?!” Yes, of course!! LOL! Sorry, You shouldn’t provide me with “Silly” opportunities. RT returning!

                  Liked by 2 people

                    1. thereluctantpoet says:

                      Really! I love those lines so much! It tears me up when I think about them. Such an example of unconditional love between two Kindred Spirits/Soulmates. You are going to get me to go read those lines again aren’t you, Vanessa?

                      Well, now I’m going to have to tell you what song we played at my first (of three. Third times the charm) wedding. You told me yours so I have to tell you mine, right. Isn’t that how we play this! LOL! It was “Time in a Bottle” my Jim Croce. I still love that song!! Have you heard it?

                      Liked by 1 person

                    2. saynotoclowns says:

                      Haha, it’s never hard to read beautiful words, so yes, I’ll make you!
                      The lovely, dear old pastor who married us was very emotional, I knew I’d cry if he did, and sure enough he did. But I was prepared, we had a whole tissue box hidden for the wedding party! Ha!
                      Gosh, I haven’t heard that in a very long time. Lovely song!
                      We never had a song, strangely. Our music tastes are so different. But in the end, everyone had so much fun at our reception they didn’t seem to miss that.

                      Liked by 1 person

  2. Reply
    Davy D says:

    Excellent poetry Vanessa. I love the rhythm and flow of your work. It’s a bit Charles Bukowski. I’m coming back to this one as I have to go and open some emails.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Reply
      saynotoclowns says:

      haha I am so glad, considering that was the hope with this!! Ugh, I so wish I was wiser back then, to talk to someone! I was telling others that, not taking my own advice, of course.
      And thank you! That is really kind. I do try to use brevity because otherwise, I am a hopeless rambler. And no, don’t wish to change what you do, because you are really good at it!! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Reply
        mahbuttitches says:

        I think, no matter what you say, we all feel alone inside. Call it your ego, call it whatever, but I think there’s always a voice in our ear that whispers to stay quiet, and carry this yourself. Maybe it’s learned. There were so many times I know I tried to talk and got nowhere. It’s almost as if people get uncomfortable whenever someone has the audacity to take off their mask and say “I’m hurting here”. I think the best thing for me has been creeping around WordPress and seeing how many other people write poems that say the same feelings. I think we all try to talk, we just never use the real words, if that makes sense.

        Thank you Vanessa, that’s so kind of you I’m blushing! You’re not too shabby yourself!! 😊❤️😘

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Reply
          saynotoclowns says:

          Yes, you are right. I think there are a number of contributing factors, one of them being, that western culture is hopeless at community. We have made a god of self sufficiency imho.
          But it is so about listening too, isn’t it? I am married to a pastor, and there is definitely a sense that people didn’t expect us to have issues. In fact, someone I counselled just last year said exactly that to me…she stared at me and said it never occurred to her for a moment that we could have problems and relate! So I wonder that people in all kind of care giving vocations must experience that too. But it is a thing that people get uncomfortable if you say you are not okay. I guess they think you might expect something from them as well…we do like to have things on our own terms…I could easily start rambling lol.

          And the compliment is totally well deserved! haha, why thank you ❤

          Like

            1. Reply
              saynotoclowns says:

              haha good question!!
              But it is something I have pondered more since using social media…more written conversations and less conversations in person…when you see your thoughts in black and white, it’s more confronting sometimes I believe.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Reply
                thereluctantpoet says:

                I understand that completely. I think it is better to put something in writing with more time to think about the words and the way I am saying something! Confonting? Well, sometimes it’s harder because the back and forth is slower and can be misunderstood.

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Reply
                  saynotoclowns says:

                  I think there is good and bad with both. I think we miss a lot without body language and tone of voice and facial expressions. In that sense, emojis can be helpful. But I think we are missing out on the effects of actual presence, or even with hand written letters, they are just so much more personal. We do the best with what we have, right? 🙂

                  Liked by 1 person

  5. Reply
    saynotoclowns says:

    Yes, I was drowning at the time. And thank you for the wonderful compliment.
    And I am sure you do at times, you are so amazing to me, how you have survived.
    I love you too, my beautiful, miracle daughter ❤

    Like

    1. Reply
      saynotoclowns says:

      Wow, thanks Steve, I’m honoured.
      And, somehow, I am not surprised you were in love with a number once. I’m so sorry to bring this bad news to you. Was it an inter-planetary number? Maybe this doesn’t apply to numbers that are not earthly…
      Hmmm the goggle thing…I would say yes.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Reply
        Steve Simpson says:

        You’re welcome, Vanessa. What bad news? With Boltzmann’s Constant k, I thought it was love, but it was just a schoolboy infatuation. My true love was Planck’s Constant h that connects the quantum world with the macroscopic world and defines Heisenberg uncertainty.

        Ah how many hours I spent admiring it in my Handbook of Physical Constants, wondering what universal secrets it might hold. In fact I’m getting excited just thinking about it. Or I would if I could stop laughing.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Reply
            Steve Simpson says:

            Okay I appreciate that I should look at Dwight. Funny stuff, he’s possibly a little over logical, inappropriate, and not suited to the real world. I’m pretty good with equations though, especially if they feature Planck’s constant 🙂 .

            Like

  7. Reply
    thereluctantpoet says:

    Loved the thought of going back to a younger you. I’ve read some really good posts on this thought like “Writing a letter to the Younger Me”. Caused me to really contemplate whether or not it was such a great idea. Sure I could be fabulously wealthy with prior knowledge of the stock market but would I really want to give up everything I am today???

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Reply
      saynotoclowns says:

      Yes, there are many different facets to the idea. But I was thinking about one particular one, that I wanted my younger self to not think she were alone, and had to carry certain burdens on her own. That she would have made better decisions had her self worth been in a healthier place.
      Thanks so much for the comments Charles, I really appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Reply
    ivor20 says:

    I think your summery viscous words are too deep for me, I need the oxygen tanks, flippers, goggles, and lead weights to hold me down, while I’m contemplating over a few more words and wondering what am I drowning for, or maybe it’s nine, and I’m too tired being todays plumber.

    Liked by 1 person

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