it was the music, wasn’t it?

She really did laugh pretty hard, and she was pretty sure those adverbs were completely necessary.
Why was she thinking in the third person, she then wondered?

She looked at the doughnut she was eating.
The doctor agreed she should always watch out for some additives, that they could have some interesting effects. Seemed like pretty good life advice just generally, but she’s digressing…
Darn, is that “effect” or “affect”? She really should have asked him, because, she always got that wrong, and if there was one thing she was a stickler for, it was correct spelling…

And something was missing right now. It was the music, wasn’t it? So not the right atmosphere. She did start out with a pretty creative mash of something Icelandic with a kaleidoscope of music from her childhood, but good grief, was that the Count from Sesame Street?

She needed a segue.
No, she didn’t, no segues needed in this mind. Well, apart from all of those others all of the time that always made sense.
But that youtube video of David Bowie in Berlin needed no explanation. 

‘Heroes’ changed the tempo of her step, and the swirl of her emotions.

She wished she knew what the lyrics meant, but wow, world peace seemed achievable for a moment. And if that were true, then it was a good thing she ate this doughnut, a little cog in the machine of getting her thoughts to this place. Self congratulations were clearly in order.

This joyous, adverbingly doughnutty moment rudely interrupted by remembering something the doctor had said,
“I’m on your side”

which, naturally, changed the soundtrack in her mind.

It also changed the tempo of her step, leading her to the nearest bench, where she slumped under the weight of thinking in the first person.


I have loved the musical pairing of Liam and EJ for quite a while, and wanted to use this tragically beautiful song somehow. Then I forgot about it. I started writing this piece just for some fun, and meandered, surprised, here.

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24 thoughts on “it was the music, wasn’t it?

    1. saynotoclowns says:

      I love their work together. Apparently she was at one of his gigs and just started singing harmonies, and it kind of went from there, if I remember it rightly.
      I”m glad you like it 🙂


  1. Steve Simpson says:

    I like the parallel streams of thought, Vanessa, the layers crossing each other, I’d say it’s pretty realistic, we can think about writing about thinking about writing. Or whatever, and all the thought bubbles rise. And lots of lovely clever linkages in there.

    I read somewhere that first person, present tense is more powerful and direct in writing. I think it’s true, and you can hear people on the news talking about the past in the present tense all the time. Maybe that’s just an Australian thing. Anyway, I think it’s best to use it with a little discretion, because sometimes it can become kind of fatiguing.

    When I talk to myself, I tend to use 2nd person, eg, “You are an idiot,” and sometimes a kind of 3rd person, eg, “Not this little black duck.”

    PS: “I’m on your side” played on Bridge Over Troubled Water on my cerebral jukebox.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. saynotoclowns says:

      Thanks so much Steve!
      That is interesting about tense…I remember years ago already, being in my father’s class in primary school talking about exactly that, and he trying to make sure we used the correct tense when writing, and in conversation. It kind of drove him nuts, I had forgotten about all of that haha. And now my tired mind is trying to remember if and how widespread it was also in the US when we lived there.

      In my spiritual thinking, (first person as opposed to third, I mean) it’s about personal accountability, and denial issues etc. All kinds of things came into my mind as I meandered around. And the way inner clowns come into play *cough.
      Then something reminded me of this song.
      Your comment about it being fatiguing is really interesting.

      hahaha “you are an idiot” is so relatable! But the little black duck thing really made me laugh out loud.
      Thank you for the reminder of that very beautiful song.
      (I may have blabbed on about this before, but I think it is very interesting that in the genesis story of Eve being created as a “helper” for Adam, the word “helper” is really not strong enough. It is my understanding that in the Hebrew the word implies more of an “ally”, which just came to mind. I could be wrong. I should look it up).

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Steve Simpson says:

    Very thought-provoking, Vanessa. I agree about taking responsibility for ourselves, it’s also fundamental in Buddhism, although I still spread blame around. At least I’m occasionally mindful enough to notice.

    The other side of the coin, which I *might* be familiar with, is taking responsibility for things outside oneself, which really have to do with other people. Sometimes recognising that isn’t easy, and it can connect into a kind of arrogance where one sees oneself incorrectly as a carer, because the relationship of carer with the person being cared for is not symmetrical. Ally is way better.

    When writing is in the first person (and it only happens occasionally), perhaps it can become like someone standing close speaking about themselves in a loud voice. Not that I don’t continuously go on about myself.

    I know nothing about Hebrew, but I can confirm that even ducks need someone on their side.

    Liked by 1 person

hi. friendly banter is always welcome.

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