the longing of particles


It was always slipping between the pillows. Beyond my inhale.

In the wringing time of night, for the life of me, no colours.
Just the haunting sound of you hammering the serrated grey – your granulated tears, falling on the anvil.

O, Love.



I was so moved the first time I heard Bluebird by Bukowski.





39 thoughts on “the longing of particles

  1. Just Barry says:

    “hammering the serrated grey โ€“ your granulated tears, falling on the anvil.”

    Oh, that is so dope! I wish I had thought of it first! Amazing poem that slashes at the emotions.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. saynotoclowns says:

      Charlie! Always so kind! And I always appreciate the care you take.
      I wasn’t thinking of any particular music when I wrote this, but then I remembered this song I really love and it seemed perfect. I’m so glad you like it. I agree, it’s breath taking.
      Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. saynotoclowns says:

      Oh that’s lovely!…yes, her heartache in this story, trying, so lovingly, to reach him and to help him let down his guard. It’s interesting, the two posts you have commented on are about the different armours we use. ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thank you for your comments ๐ŸŒธ


        1. saynotoclowns says:

          Yes…the whys and wherefores.
          I heard this reading of “Bluebird” right when I was pondering the armour of a couple of people I care about, and it moved me so much. It was good timing.


            1. saynotoclowns says:

              My pleasure.
              Considering he grew up with an abusive father, this seemed so honestly poignant. It’s just so tragic how common this situation is.
              Thank you for visiting ๐Ÿ™‚


              1. Fall Fraust says:

                You’re very welcome. Ah yes. Abuse, violence in the home, feeling invisible – wanting to be invisible, feeling unsafe… sadly, many grow up this way. But life is full of intricacies, and the tiny bit of light is that many find a way to create meaning out of tragedy.

                Liked by 1 person

  2. Steve Simpson says:

    Beautiful tones, Vanessa, fragile wisps, enigmas that you can’t catch, that are always just out of reach and flee before the harsh and solid. That’s what came to mind. Moreover, great song, love your avatar.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. ebonyandcrows says:

        I remember reading one of your poems about a girl telling her bear how much she admires how he writes poetry and how she couldnโ€™t fathom how he does it..I think that one is in my tippity top of favorite poems. If I were to number your poems in order of which ones I like best though, they would all be #1.

        Liked by 1 person

hi. friendly banter is always welcome.

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