…that is, adding a title. I really think it’s one of the hardest things ever in the history of, I assume, everything.
This is a very strange thing, coming back to this draft page. My life is very different now in some ways. But I have missed the blogging world, and wanted to check in.
Hello to anyone finding themselves here. I’m sorry I don’t even know who’s still around anymore. I hope to have the chance for more reading.
The last few months have been rather hectic for my husband and me. He has endured a liver obstruction and severe jaundice, had a liver stent put in to save his life. Spent a few weeks recovering before having surgery to remove his pancreas, gall bladder and spleen. It turns out the dormant cysts in his pancreas suddenly became malignant. It’s a very long story of a life time of issues. Now we are in the decision making process for chemotherapy as there is a very high chance of the cancer returning as soon as a year. If he does the intense chemo, there is a 50% chance, apparently, of complete cure.
We don’t normally decorate for Christmas this early. We normally do it all very last minute the week of Christmas, sometimes the night before Christmas Eve. But heck. Things are very different now. We have been decorating our hearts out, embracing everything that is fun and brings joy. And as cliched as it sounds, miraculous things have happened the last few months. It’s effected us spiritually in profound ways. Hundreds of people prayed for Darrin, and our, sometimes skeptical selves, were blown away by the effects. As were the hospital staff. Darrin’s pain doctor told him she had never seen anyone come out of such radical surgery and do as well as he did. She was amazed. And I have even more respect for the complexity of the human body. I can’t find the words for everything that has happened. Eloquence of any kind escapes me. I’ve been in survival mode.
I know for a lot of people, prayer still ends with heart ache. That’s been true for us at different times too. But then later, we have been surprised by a beauty from the ashes we could never have foreseen. This world is fallen and broken and too often, truly shit. And I believe humans need to start taking a lot more responsibility for that. But I do also believe God can bring good out of anything. This event has bonded our church community and we are so richer for it. But I don’t think I should write anymore. I don’t feel capable to write anything that truly encapsulates our experience or emotional state. Maybe another time.
I miss reading all of your wonderful work. I hope you are well despite the challenges of this year. And now when I say “well”, I don’t necessarily mean healthy. But I hope and pray you have peace. My goodness, how fragile and short is this life.