Christian, personal, prose

“it doesn’t matter where we’re from, music brings us together…”

We had the chance to see this extraordinary film today – the Song Keepers.
So gorgeously produced, it covers the story behind the rising fame of aboriginal choirs from Central Australia, continuing a legacy that was started by German Lutheran missionaries in the 1870s.

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personal, prose

this is not about clowns

person holding purple petaled flowers

Photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com

So here’s a thing, our lives have taken an interesting turn because of a cancer scare for my husband. He has had pancreatitis for years, and we were told a long time ago, he most likely will be a candidate for cancer at some point. Now he has growths in his pancreas. One is not currently cancerous, we are hopefully finding out more soon about the other one. We are remaining optimistic at this point. But they are large growths and one of them is in an inconvenient place and we will still have to make decisions on what to do about them.

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silhouette of graves

Photo by Micael Widell on Pexels.com

When my husband and I married all those years ago, cough…my mind wasn’t prepared for how well acquainted we would become with death, he especially. So much church and ministry life happens quietly, behind the scenes, as it should, and there are these extraordinary, jewelled moments, of being with people before, and as they die. These privileged moments of intimacy, I would not normally have had, and for the most part, I am very grateful for them.

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Christian, personal, prose
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personal, prose

confession

A while ago, I had some pretty serious depression. And I knew it was depression for a lot of reasons, but most disturbingly, I had lost complete interest in music.
(This blog has been some wonderful therapy.)

Over the last week, I have felt moved to spontaneously sing love songs. I haven’t done this for a very long time, when I think about it, and, admittedly, it was over chocolate. But still, it was a very good sign.

I confess, though, there was some slight collateral damage…

Me: (opening fridge and seeing the chocolate chip hot cross buns I had forgotten about. My heart bursting into the chorus of “Silly Love Songs” by Paul McCartney and Wings.)

I…….LOVE…….YOU…….
(notes dripping smiles)

Husband: (in another room) Awwww, I love you too, Honey.
(Pause. A very distinct pause).
Did I hear you open the fridge?

I kid you not. He actually asked me that. And then he said:
Are you actually singing to the hot cross buns?

Now kids, we will be married for twenty two years this June. That is a whole other post that I probably won’t write. But, I will say, we are at a point where we can laugh heartily at our foibles, rather than be so offended by them. Well, in this scenario, I can only speak for myself when I say that I wasn’t offended.

I am pretty sure he was laughing, too. And not in that sympathy way…pretty sure…

(I did find it alarming, however, that he knew exactly what was happening without witnessing any of it. Come to think of it, being a sort of introvert, that kind of offends me.)

But I really did think it would be a one off deal. The whole thing surprised me. Until a couple of days later, after we had a glorious evening meal outside in the spectacular autumnal caress of divine weather known as autumn – he had cooked up a lovely, well balanced summer meal for himself, and I had a punnet of strawberries and a snickers bar, you know, the things I would imagine you would pick from the trees in the garden of Eden.

I took our dirty dishes (or in my case, packaging) inside.

Sunshine,
my only sunshine,
you make me happy…
is, of course, not what was
BURSTING OUT OF MY HEART AS I HELD THE CHOCOLATE WRAPPER…

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“I’ll open up when everybody’s laughing”.

I’ve loved this song, this album, for ages. And I thought I should write a short thank you to everyone who reads and honours me with supportive comments on my blog (one that has no idea about its identity at times, but it’s fun!) and I have so enjoyed connecting with you through it. To steal another line from this song: “I’d go with you on a road to nowhere.”

General bewilderment, personal

*Trigger warning: there’s a picture of a clown in this post

 

 

clown

I have started cleaning house.
I’m going to be brutal. (No, really…)

Then two days ago I found this.
It belonged to my twin brother.
Why I have it, I cannot answer.
(Mostly due to temporary paralysis, and now I just can’t remember).

But it is,
truly,
the stuff of nightmares.
(And italicized, centralised, poetic importance.)

And I swear, I heard some synapses burn out when I saw it. And others that absolutely refused to be created…

(Also, if you can, take a moment to listen to this…
oh my…)

mercy

Aside
a little fun or something, personal, prose, Uncategorizable

Surprised by a blogging award, namely, Liebster!

Thanks to my friend erroneous choices, we are having some fun with the Liebster Award, ie, she nominated me. Thank you dear friend ❤

She feels as I do, and that is, I have never really understood blogging awards, and haven’t really got involved with them, (apart from one over a year ago) no offense to anyone, but I so enjoyed reading the questions posed to her and her answers. Actually, she combined the questions from two different awards so I am going to keep on with the fun and just pick and choose…

1. What drew you towards the art of writing?
This is a good question…I have felt so shy and awkward for most of my life, I guess, as for a lot of people, it was a way to express myself, and hopefully make some sense of my thoughts in the process. I sometimes wonder that when I was little I subconsciously did it as a memory tool, because my memory is not that great. I remember I always liked to write everything out, even in the air, words, numbers, math problems…I liked to visualise it, and I loved the way certain words looked. Yikes, am I rambling? Sorry…

2. What is the one thing you like about yourself and why?
Um, I have never really liked this question.
But, if you insisted, I would say I do laugh easily. Especially at myself. I can have a good time, even when things are not going so well.
But it has helped to diffuse a number of tricky situations…humour, laughter is powerful – Captain Obvious 🙂

3. What is that one change you want to see in the world?
That people would stop yelling. Literally, figuratively, all kinds of ly-s. (Unless it is for humourous purposes).

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a little fun or something, General bewilderment, personal, prose, Uncategorizable

it begs a poem, doesn’t it?

pin cushion (2)

I was recently at my parents’. 
And I saw this-

a small pin cushion I had made for my mother when I was in high school, when I first learnt some cross stitching.

I can’t believe my mother is now eighty years old, and she is still using it!

Her sense of humour well and truly intact, as that spear of a needle in its right ear, was, initially, right in the middle of her forehead (that innocent bunny’s, not my mother’s).

It is funny about memory, because I had completely forgotten about it, of course, but as soon as I saw it, I remembered how upset I was that I had made a stitching mistake on its left ear. And I had somehow missed a couple of stitches on the other ear.  My sweet mother didn’t want me to fix it, but I remember how utterly crushed I was.

Yesterday I watched a video on a science site about intelligence.
Behold a short conversation I had with my husband this morning:

Me: I watched a video yesterday…blah blah…and it turns out I could be a perfectionist.
Husband: slowly closing refrigerator door…
come to think of it, I can’t describe, accurately, the look on his face…

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General bewilderment, personal, prose

resemblance? reassemblance?

Sigh.

I am on Facebook. And a number of things have happened recently where I have really re-pondered social media.

Then a pastor friend posted this video about Facebook, including interviews with a couple of the original players. It was timely. If you find yourself with a spare 15 minutes sometime, I really recommend you watch it. You may have already seen it, and I know a lot of you have the same concerns etc. (Something I have loved about WP, it seems that generally there is a shared spirit amongst users that it doesn’t become toxic like these other platforms. Of course, it does sometimes, but overall, my experience has been wonderful. I hope yours has too.)

(It does have a clickbait title, unfortunately. But it is a very worthwhile video.)

I have thought about ways to be a little more real on here, too..I did record myself reading one of my poems, but I have had trouble uploading it. Not a hard process in theory, and I followed all of the steps, and it is still not working. I will persevere…

In the mean time, I thought I would add a selfie I took today. I really don’t like taking them, so there won’t be more for a while and it is in black and white because, geez, I don’t want to be that real… Plus, I didn’t want to make you jealous, northern hemispherers, by showing off my tan 🤡 Actually, it isn’t a big deal. I hardly wear makeup, after all.

selfie 25Jan18

And now it is really warm outside, and in the spirit of taking my ponderings seriously about screen time, I am signing off for now to go have a drink with my husband. Hopefully catch you soon as I really do love reading and looking at all of your amazing work! Take care WPers. Let’s make a better world…or at least, try.

Vanessa

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Christian, personal, Poetry

something (revisited)

I need a moment,
a moment measured only
in light years,

the oracular thread
through centuries
and non,

encaptured, enraptured
by deepest tones
geographically strata-ed,
through past and present,

eyes so gently gently replaced
with brushes archeologically
bristling with Him,

joyful in newborn
reunion

the blind man was healed
and the tenses were spilled

and millennial mysteries unravelled
into new ravelling of me.

and the blind woman was healed

 

 

originally posted 26th March, 2017
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pixabay image

 

Inverted in space,

suspended in the north

with a southerly persuasion,

my heart grown in two,

homes.

 

Bejewelled moments

I want to break off to keep,

but my weeping hands

sift the fractures in wrong places.

 

I hold on instead –

ached to this perfect petal,

floated away on familiar

rivered Breeze.

 

originally posted 30th Jan, 2017

personal, Poetry

agapanthus globe

Image
personal, Poetry

img_6337

It’s true,

I really am a sucker for shiny.

The projected kind, that is.

Those little humans, the ones over there,

thoughtlessly shooting out

the sparkly ties that find.

The contagious giddy in the fleeting standstill.

Completely undone

in the collective, unspoken cradling

of the fragile glass of now.

 

 

Originally posted 26th Dec, 2016. I can’t believe it’s been a year…

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personal, Poetry

digit the majestic (revisited upon his passing)

IMG_20170309_232423

For my friend’s adorable cat…and now, truly in his honour and with gratitude for the short time we spent together…(drawing by my niece).

~*~

furtively felining into the room,

unannounced, unruly fur unadorned,

blinking in reluctant wakefulness,

he stares into my dishevelled mind,

eyes sparking in the recognition of likes,

“it must take a long time brushing that out?”

 

pawing my cerebral textiles

for a loose thread of understanding,

I roll it into a ball

to play with later.

 

Weighed down by the fire

we sink into the magic napping carpet…

 

originally posted 9th Jan, 2017

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a little fun or something, personal, prose

I will never sleep again

So the thing is, I am in a dilemma. I know, just one dilemma seems like I am bragging about how blessed I am, (and that is a whole other conversation) but it is a pretty serious dilemma.

My husband just got home from overseas, and on the plane he watched the Lego Batman movie. For all kinds of reasons, I have not seen it yet. Most likely related to the fact we don’t live near a cinema, and I wanted to see it in one. And then, I just got lazy. I mean, come on, trying to conjure up the excitement that one only gets when visiting a movie theatre, is just hard work. HARD WORK. Or not. I might be rambling.

But there is a scene that is SO ME, he had to write it down. So here it is. Maybe you have seen it. But I am guessing you will want to see it again. Because, you know, this is important. (And what is really important to know, is that I am not Alfred in this scenario).

I’m pretty sure you can figure out what my dilemma is now, because what else would you be doing but trying to figure this out?
So, do I rename my blog to: Saynoto_____clowns?
(The blank matters. I don’t want to spoil it for those who haven’t seen this. I might be in a serious dilemma, but I don’t want to be unkind.
Btw, an inadvertent part one to this story – the remote’s hiding under my insomnia
).

 

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personal

For Dear Gina/Singledust

I wanted to take some time to honour Gina’s grief, in the loss of her son.

2017 has been a hard year, for a lot of people…a year of loss and endings and grief, and I marvel at the beautiful words Gina has written, I needed them too. Thank you, kind friend. You are a talented, and lovely, shining presence in the WordPress world. So many hearts are with you! I hope you do find some comfort in the ones sitting with you, when our words can never be enough.

If you have a moment, her moving tribute: come sit with me

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personal

1000 sundowns

Thanks to Mr Ward Clever doing a post on the  saddest song, and consequently doing my head in as I tried to think of just one(!)…I thought of Emma Louise. This song isn’t necessarily the saddest, but the way she performs all of her work, is so moving.

I found this live performance where she briefly explains the story behind this song. Plus, I personally think this performance is exquisite. So I thought I would share it. Because, why cry alone? *unambiguous smiley face emoji*

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personal

lego

Tonight I had dinner with a good friend, and long story short, we talked a little about lego. Then I thought of this song.

And the stormy weather tonight provided wonderful building blocks for writing the best song in the history of the universe, I’m guessing. But alas, I am not a song writer.

But there is still this awesome song. So if you need a dance break (of course you I do) 

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